Any small talk invariably leads to a question which I often dread – “So, where are you from?” I used to start by saying, “Well its complicated you see. My parents are originally from Madhya Pradesh; I was born in Surat, Gujarat and brought up all over India; studied in different cities…blah blah blah.” Nobody really wanted to hear such a long rant and I am quite sure they would have thought, “Why the hell did I ask her this!” But believe me I didn’t know how to respond to such a simple question using a single proper noun. Also my answer was true since my parents who were employed in Government jobs were constantly on a move – often living in separate towns and cities.
This happened till recently when out of the blue I responded to this ever-feared question using a single word – Hyderabad. And that was it. A place had finally accepted me as its own. Being a talker that I am, I obviously added – “You see I am around for thirteen years now…so this is my home and hometown now.” This isn’t even the city where my parents or my in-laws live. Nor do I have my sibling here or for that matter any close relative. But this is a city where I came to study and just never left. This place gave me my husband (who also came here to study), my first (and subsequent) job, my kids and the support system which came in the form of house helps.
The humility of people around me. The importance given to education over money. The focus on quality over quantity. These are just some of the few things because of which I have come to appreciate and feel proud of this city. Above all the city has tremendous personality – something which I am a great fan of! It wasn’t an easy road and my love for the city wasn’t a love at the first sight. I had to overcome the regional and language barriers, fight off the outsider tag, and let go off my own stereotypes. However these were minor hurdles and eventually we both came to love and accept each other.
Now, I don’t get upset when someone calls me a Hyderabadi – because that is what I am and that too a proud one. After all I am able to differentiate a good biryani from a bad one. I crave for Dosa even when I am visiting my brother in Delhi. Morning breakfasts are more often idli and upma than poha and paratha. I enjoy hearing (and at times attempt to speak in) Deccani Hindi dialect. And most of all come to the city’s defense when a finger is pointed at it. Staying in different cities, states and among different people taught me few simple things which became my guiding principles and savior. These I believe hold true for people transitioning – across states, regions, countries or continents.
Learn the language – this is the easiest way to feel belonged. Easier said than done though. Thanks to my brain’s inability to learn new languages my repertoire is currently limited to few phrases.
Soak up the culture. Yes the festivals celebrated, holidays given will be different from what we are used to. But try to make the most of what you have rather than sitting at home and sulking.
Enjoy the local cuisine. There is no better way to shoo away your blues than eating biryani from ‘Paradise’ or a dosa from ‘Chutney’s’
Make local friends. A local friend will understand and appreciate your challenges and help you overcome them.
Don’t stop your kids from learning the language or making local friends. Most of what they learn is by observing you. If you are accepting and adaptive they too will be. However telling them that they are not from ‘here’, their real home is somewhere else will only confuse them. This mind set also definitively does not help them in forming strong social bonds.
Accept and respect the city you are living in. This I believe is the most important. Never make fun of the city you are living in – which is giving you education and often livelihood and trust me that city will accept you with open arms. If you think you are an outsider, you’ll always be one.
I don’t know where I am off to next. But while I am here, I am enjoying every bit, soaking up as much as I can and calling myself a proud Hyderabadi.
Originally written for mycity4kids.com and published here.
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